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Westerham Snooker League sponsored by Carlsberg UK
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Smoke Rings

During the recent festive season a member at Westerham R.B.L. is reported to be able to blow Smoke Rings from his rear-end. I haven't actually seen it myself, but I have seen the nicotine stains on his pants !!!
Farting Old Lady

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they didn't smell and are silent". The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back, "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, they stink terribly." "Good", the doctor said. "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing.
Lost Golf Ball

A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend. After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened. He explained that he went over to the cow pasture but could not find his ball. He noticed a cow wringing her tail in obvious pain. He went over and lifted her tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was a yellow Titlist so he knew it was not his. A woman comes out of the bushes apparently searching for her lost golf ball. The helpful male golfer lifted the cow's tail and asked, "Does this look like yours?" and that was the last thing he could remember.
Drive Through Cash Machines

A host of new drive-through cash points is set to sweep through the country, and the National Association of Bankers has issued the following guidelines to ensure full, efficient use of this new system when it becomes operational this year:
The His and Her Guide to Automatic, Drive-Through Cash Machines.

His
1. Pull up to Automatic, Drive-Through, Cash Machine
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN
4. Overdrawn ....again !
5. Swear.
6. Take cash, card and receipt
7. Put car into gear
8. Drive away from machine

Hers
 1. Pull up to Automatic, Drive Through, Cash Machine
2. Check make-up in rear-view mirror
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in handbag
5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in handbag
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in handbag for paper with PIN written on it.
9. Enter PIN
10. Study instructions for 2 minutes.
11. Hit "cancel"
12. Re-enter correct PIN
13. Check balance
14. Look for deposit envelope
15. Look in handbag for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Sign cheques
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check make-up
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check make-up
26. Start pulling away
27. STOP
28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. Get back in car
32. Put card in wallet
33. Put receipt in chequebook
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in chequebook
35. Clear area in handbag for wallet and Chequebook
36. Check make-up
37. Put car in reverse gear
38. Put car into 1st gear
39. Ignore noise from frustrated male drivers queuing behind
40. Drive away from machine
41. Travel 3 miles
42. Release handbrake

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